“Memories…like the corners of my mind. Misty water colored memories of the …..Days in Law School?”
"Call on ME!!! ME!!! TORTS ARE MY THING!!! ME!! ME!!! ME!!!"
Says Kim:
For the last two days my husband and I “traded places” so that I could go to a two day CLE (continuing legal education) so that I can maintain my law license….in the event that I should reenter the workforce….the “real world.” Or in the alternative, that the legal profession will become so enlightened that it will seek out the knowledge, experience and common sense approach that women who have chosen to stay at home can bring back to the legal profession on a part-time or flex-time basis. I’ll get off my soap box now. Thank you very much. Every year, my husband volunteers to work from home so that I can attend these classes and we can avoid hiring a sitter. Usually sitters cost us a fortune ($15 an hour…9 hours a day…for two days…you do the math.) Since these classes usually occur near Christmas, this is a serious chunk of change. This is truly an expense that we’d like to avoid since this takes away from Santa’s budget, but I digress.
To prepare to leave my home for two days was like leaving my family for a month. Lists had to be prepared. My dear husband likes lists. He likes knowing down to the minute who is to do what, when, how much, and when everyone can be tucked into their beds for naps. I acquiesced and made his lists, although it felt silly to write down that George and Jack are to eat lunch at 11:00 to 11:45….as if he is to take their plates of food away at exactly 11:45….but, maybe he did. Again, I digress.
At the risk of committing career suicide (which I have already probably done since I’ve been a stay-at-home mom for more than five years straight), I will say with utmost certainty that I hate CLE’s. Invariably, I can’t find a seat in the back and am forced to sit up front…near the speaker…which requires me to make constant eye contact with the moderator as he/she drones on and on about unsecured interests….instead of being able to focus my attention on my US Weekly magazine that I have hidden underneath my legal pad. The days go by slowly, as I am forced to listen to lawyers comment on each and every thing the speaker had to say as if everyone is there to outwit each other. Lawyers think they are very, very witty…..and absolutely brilliant. If I sit up front, I have to take notes, nod in agreement….and chuckle. I was not in the mood to chuckle.
As I walked into the hotel ballroom, I noticed a couple of unoccupied seats near the end sections. Great! Maybe my luck was changing. I brought along a bag full of knitting and found a seat on the end. A really nice woman sat a seat over from me and said, “Oh, you’re knitting! I take it that you won’t be offended if I address Christmas cards while this is going on?” Wow. This CLE was going to be different. We chit chatted and commiserated about having to be at the CLE, etc. I was actually starting to like how the day was progressing….when….a man came over and sat between us. The moderator called the CLE to order. We were to open our books to the middle section and the first topic was Premises Liability. Oh, joy! The wonders of “slip and fall.” I began to knit like a demon underneath the table and my new friend was busy addressing her family Christmas cards. All of a sudden, out of the corner of my eye….the guy sitting between us….raised his hand. He had a freakin’ comment. Apparently he was an expert at tort law….or so he thought.
This guy wouldn’t stop. He asked question after question. He had comment after comment to make. UGH!!!! At this rate, we’d be here ’till midnight.
All eyes were on my section of the ballroom. It was like the speaker and this guy were in “tort love.” My dreams of knitting throughout the CLE were dashed. I looked around. Was I the only person peeved by this guy’s constant yammering? Absolutely not! I heard the man behind me whispering that he was texting his secretary about a complaint. Another person was busy making corrections to a brief. Someone else was posting comments on Facebook. Whew! It wasn’t just me. Then, I thought back to law school. There is a saying that everyone knows….”If you don’t know who the class jerk (a$$hole) is, then it’s probably you.” Well, let’s just say that sitting in a two day CLE brings back feelings of being in a classroom with 70 or so other 1L’s and witnessing the one guy who won’t shut up. It’s so true.
I was pleasantly relieved that on Day Two of the CLE, my new friend and I found a seat in the back. We swapped recipes and trash magazines. The “know-it-all” didn’t show for Day Two. Day Two was much better because the speakers tried to do something different and teach us using a “game show” technique. I’m so not joking. It was entertaining….I guess, as much as the law can be taught mimicking Alex Trebeck from Jeopardy. Yet, when the topic of Facebook arose in the context of discovery proceedings, we got two more people who thought they knew everything there was to know about asking questions in a deposition. Here we go again, people. Didn’t they realize that we only had 45 minutes left before we could get out of here? It’s Friday for Pete’s sake! At 5:30 at night! We’ll catch heavy traffic! AND what idiot plaintiff is going to post comments on Facebook about how she likes to water ski after she’s sued some trucking company after a wreck that supposedly has left her disabled?
I had to do something drastic.
I raised my hand.
I said, “She’s an idiot. A lawyer can’t lie and you can’t tell her to delete her comments on Facebook or her pictures. It’s out there. If she gets caught by her postings on Facebook….its her little red wagon. End. Of. Story.”
Well…that was that. Not much else to say. Common sense, people.
We were dismissed. On. Time.
‘Nuff said.
