Warning: Bad advice can result in pink hair and ugly jewelry

The Mommies, Esquire have gotten bad advice.  We hope we don’t give bad advice.  Do you remember any time that you received ill given advice, suggestions, etc.?  Did you regret it?

"Oh, girlfriend. Who told you to dye your hair pink? Bad Advice. Whew!"

Says Kim:

I remember a time way back in law school when I was out shopping one day at a Service Merchandise.  Service Merchandise was going out of business and selling all of its entire stock of fine jewelry at cents on the dollar.  I am no snob when it comes to shopping.  I’ll go anywhere if there’s a good sale!  I had been wanting a gold charm bracelet for a long time and this was my opportunity to find one.  As I searched the counters, I noticed a guy in his late twenties with a woman who appeared to be his mother, looking at engagement rings.  I heard the mother and son (whose name was John…from what I could gather) talk about this ring and that ring…what his future fiancee would like, etc.  I thought it was all very sweet, until…

John saw “The Ring.”  John spotted a two and a half carat solitaire in a simple mounting on a gold band.  John’s mother was looking at a one carat diamond ring in a rose gold setting.   It was one homely ring.  I could see that John favored the larger diamond and was obviously very excited that he could get the ring for only two hundred dollars more than the one carat ugly ring that his mother held.  John and his mother discussed both rings with the salesperson.   John thought his girlfriend would love the larger rock diamond (Really?  You think so?  Duh!).  This is when I heard the worst advice given to a man….EVER!  John’s mother said to her son, “You know, Ashley (John’s girlfriend) has such dainty hands.  Don’t you think the smaller diamond would look better?  I mean…I think that the smaller diamond looks more like what someone would give their fiancee who is just out of college.  I know that the smaller ring is less expensive, too.  I just think it’s the better choice.  That’s my advice.”  Poor John took this lame advice and bought the one carat diamond.  I’m so glad Ashley wasn’t there with John and his mother the day her ring was purchased.    Seriously.  Bad, bad advice, John Boy.

I heard another such piece of bad advice given at an adjacent table at a Chick-fil-A just days ago.   Before you think that I am an eavesdropper, let me say that restaurants that cater to kids are loud…very loud…so most people have to practically shout to be heard.  Two women were discussing having children.  The women appeared to be sisters.  One sister, Jen, had a couple of children and the other sister, Kelly, did not.  Kelly was married and a working professional…and approaching 35 years old.  Jen had started her family in her twenties and was telling Kelly, “Don’t sweat it.  You have forever these days to have children.  I would travel…have fun…before having kids.”  Kelly didn’t seem sold on the idea of waiting and was saying that she and her husband were ready now.  Why wait?  Jen told Kelly that if “Jennifer Anniston can wait ’till who knows when to have kids, along with half the cast of Desperate Housewives, why not wait?”

Wow.  Was this bad sisterly advice?  I started thinking that maybe it was.   Why?  How about diminishing fertility?  Yours truly was advised just last month that if my husband and I wanted a fourth (Yes, we’re insane…get over it) that we better start “trying” now. I’m on the brink of turning forty and I can honestly say that you don’t have forever to conceive a child.  Well, not unless you want to deep freeze your eggs and implant them in your body when you are eligible for an AARP membership.  The Mommies, Esquire know many women we met in law school who put off having children in their twenties and well into their thirties…only to wake up and find themselves incapable of conceiving for one reason or another…..or throwing the darn ovulation calculator out the window because you don’t ovulate every single month after age thirty….or having to call your husband home from work because you have exactly 2.10 hours to conceive according to some document that looks like a map of the constellations. Am I advocating having children on a whim?  Of course not.  What I will say is that all of those middle aged women in Hollywood are not the norm.  I, for one, think there’s something funny going on in OB/GYN offices all over Hollywood and Beverly Hills.  With all of those multiple births going on left and right, I think someone is doling out fertility drugs like aspirin or there’s some serious IVF going on.  Every now and then, you will hear about fertility issues….but not very often.  I think it’s akin to an actress denying the use of Botox.  You know that they should have some lines here or there, but there’s no admitting it.  No one can ever get old….or should I say that their “eggs” never age?  Hmmmmm.

What is especially egregious is when someone gives you advice that they would never take themselves.  I’ve had friends going through break-ups, etc.  I’ve always been pretty fair about giving out advice when it is asked of me and am honest if  a friend asks me what I would do under similar circumstances.   I’ve been on the receiving end of some pretty bad advice and I’ve taken it:

“What?  You think I’d look good in red leather?”

“Do you really think I should call him and ask him to the Winter Formal?”

“Short curly bobs are back in style?  Really?  And you think it would look good with my heart-shaped face?”

Yeah, right.

About eight years ago, I decided to try a different hairdresser.  I scheduled an entire afternoon for a cut and some highlights.  I have naturally blonde hair and am very fair.  When my new hairdresser, Linda,  told me that I’d look fabulous as a red head….I thought she was crazy.  She appealed to my free spirit and told me that I should “experiment” a little.  I thought to myself, “I do love red hair.  I’ve always wanted to be a red head.  Maybe it would be a fun change?”  I checked my brain at the door and agreed to go along with Linda’s suggestion.  When I left Linda’s salon, I looked like Ronald McDonald.  My hair was so red that I could’ve gotten a part time gig at the circus.   I tried in vain to wash out the red.  My hair turned pink.  Suddenly, I looked like Frenchy in Grease when Frankie Avalon comes out of the clouds singing, “Beauty School Drop Out.”  The worst part?  I had to go to class.  A law school class.  With other adults.   I was mortified.

I called Linda.  I begged for her to fix my hair.  She said she could do it in a week.  She was booked solid.  I asked why she did it.  Linda said, “Oh, you just sounded like you wanted something new.  I wouldn’t have dyed my hair that red, but I thought you wanted me to do it.  You didn’t have to take my advice.”  UGH.  I hung up on Linda and bought myself some old fashioned Loreal in blonde #99.  I dyed my hair a golden blonde…after washing my hair ten times.  I cried and wailed like a banshee during the whole process.  By the time I got to Secured Transactions the next day,  I looked like a Barbie doll with a swollen face from crying.

Hair advice can be bad, but hair can grow out.  A broken heart takes a while to mend.  I was on the receiving end of a broken heart years ago when my college sweetheart broke up with me.  I remember praying and praying that he’d come back.  Years later, I got a very interesting phone call.  It was him.  I had moved on and gotten over him.  After all these years, he felt he needed to call me and explain why he ended our relationship.  He told me that everyone was telling him that he was just too young  to get married, start a family, etc.  In other words, he was told to “sow some wild oats.”  He decided to take  all of the advice that he was given.  The people who offered his “sage advice” were old family friends and close relatives.  He confided that he really didn’t do much with the time he spent alone and never felt at peace with taking the advice.   He felt like he was given truly bad advice, but how did I fair because of it?  Here I was….better off because of the “bad advice” he was given.  I felt bad for him.  He had not gotten married, had a family, etc.  He was successful in his professional life, but he had never made a home for himself.  Instead, he felt his life would be spent caring for an aging mother and living for the weekends.  Listening to his story,  I didn’t “feel” anything other than just nostalgia.  I was thankful for those unanswered prayers that I prayed so long ago.  I was happy and had moved on.   I guess in this instance his bad advice turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me.

Bad advice.  Ever get it?  Ever give it and wish you could take it back?   Want to share a doozy?

Tagged as: advice, bad advice, engagement, hair, pink hair, red hair, relationships