Hang on, sweetie! Mommy has too much junk in the van for you to ride inside. We'll be there in a sec!
Kim: My husband went to CarMax today to see if we could possibly “upgrade” our minivan. Before he left for the car dealership, I told him that he may want to clean out the van before he headed out. My dear husband came back into the house (dare I say…cursing under his breath) clearly disgusted. He told me that the van was an utter mess (not his words…he was a little more “expressive”). He couldn’t understand how three little boys could make such a mess in a van.
Oh, really?
You really don’t understand how this happens?
You cannot be serious.
It was my duty to inform my darling husband how messes are made:
First off, we are always in a hurry. With three kids dawdling about in the morning, we’re lucky we get anywhere on time. Sooooo, that means that we are always taking snacks with us…..popcorn, apple juice, gummies, apple juice, cheetos, apple juice, poptarts, apple juice, french fries, apple juice. Let me translate….sticky stuff. Didn’t he remember taking the kids out for ice-cream and then telling them it was O.K. for them to eat the rest of it in the van?
Second, kids are messy. Does my husband actually think that our boys will just sit there….in their seats….facing forward….not saying a word….until we arrive at our chosen destinations? Yeah, right. Our boys smuggle all kinds of stuff on board the minivan and let loose when I am concentrating on driving. Try Nerf swords and boomerangs. No joke, folks. Doesn’t my husband remember when he told the boys they could finish their “project” of sticking Superhero stickers on their arms while in the minivan? I did warn him that the stickers would get stuck elsewhere….like on the door handles.
Well, here’s what was found in the minivan this afternoon:
1. One Nerf sword (see above) and a large watergun
2. Unwrapped, partially eaten blow pops….6 of them
3. Sunday school artwork
4. Hot wheels cars
5. Emergency clothes kit: one diaper, small package of wipes, size 4T pants, 5T t-shirt
6. Dried up french fries (if you’re a Momma and you don’t have at least one dried up french fry in your car….what kind of woman are you? I mean…really?)
7. Empty crushed Capri Sun juice pouch
8. Five soccer balls
9. One football
10. One baseball bat
11. Small flannel picnic blanket (gotta be prepared)
12. Two lawn chairs
13. Map of South Carolina (we don’t have GPS….we like to travel 1950’s style)
14. One boy’s flip flop (haven’t found the match since our last trip to the beach)
15. Burt’s Bee’s lip balm in the round tin (I like the tubes better…must be why I haven’t missed this one)
16. Tom & Jerry DVD
17. Mommy’s law school sweatshirt
18. Unopened 20 oz. bottle of Diet Coke (nectar of the gods…liquid gold)
19. $5.00 gift card to Starbucks (like that is going to buy anything at Starbucks….seriously)
20. LL. Bean Winter catalog (love, love, love to look at this during carpool line)
21. Various CD’s: KidsBop, Laurie Berkner, Charlie Brown Christmas, Casting Crowns, The Clash, James Taylor, Kings of Leon, Old Skool Rap, 70’s Rock Hits, Jimmy Buffet (can you say..diverse?)
22. A pen that looks like a flower that Jack made me for Mother’s Day while in last year’s preschool class
23. Mary Englebreit notepad
24. Two booster seats and one five point harness car seat
Whew! I know that’s really not the end of what was extracted from the van. However, I don’t want you thinking that I am a total slob. I promise that I am not. I’m actually a neat freak….of sorts. It’s just that sometimes you gotta “let go” when you have children. Things don’t “sparkle and shine” all the freakin’ time!
Bottom line: We’re keeping our van. By the time my husband cleaned out said van, it was almost time for Sunday night church services. It just wasn’t worth it. Plus, didn’t he know that he’d have to shampoo the seats where all three boys got into a juice pouch “squirt fight” the last time we were in there? I’m just sayin’….
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We are currently sporting our spare tire around in the car, while waiting on a part to be shipped in… Also – I’ve read/heard and BELIEVE – the happiest kids grow up in imperfect homes – and I’ll be so bold to expand it to cars…
Thanks for the info. I’m hoping that a messy van makes for well-adjusted children.
We currently have a 2009 Honda Odyssey. I am not bragging. I am just mentioning it because we had to buy a new van before travelling cross country with five children and one mother-in-law. Our old van, an old body Nissan Quest (with a video cassette player) was 9 years old, had 140,000+ miles and three hubcaps, and I couldn’t roll the driverside window down in cold weather because it wouldn’t go back up.
This summer in our new van, with a GPS, I might add, we spent 16 days driving to California and back, stopping to see points of interest in between, my husband and eccentric MIL arguing all the way about SAL’s directions. Two weeks after our return we drove to Pensacola with a side trip to Orlando and a day in Fairhope. We put over 10,000 miles on it between June and early August. Now it has 35,000 miles on it and has toys and hair things stuck in the tracks of the seats. We will, no doubt, drive this one until we have grandchildren. Then, we will need a church bus if any of our children are as prolific as we are.
Emily, if I haven’t said it lately…or enough…Mommy, Esquire loves you, sister!!!!! Glad to hear that you are a “messy van mom,” also!!!!