So, I was twittering the other day when I came across this “vlog” post. “Vlog” is a term that describes a video blog post. Don’t worry, I didn’t know what it was either. Check it out….
http://coolmom.com/2010/07/21/divorced-moms/
This is from the coolmom.com website: Cool Mom is a lighthearted look at how women who have become mothers now view the world around them. The site features short daily videos and a frequently updated blog by TV host, standup comic, and mom-to-a-toddler Daphne Brogdon.
Well, after watching the little vlog, I wondered if Daphne had a point.
Let me explain:
Yesterday, I felt like a woman possessed. I have stayed up well past midnight for the last three nights, planning homeschool stuff. In an effort to be more efficient, I’ve stopped being such a slacker and have ironed baskets of clothes instead of sending everything to the dry cleaners. I’ve cooked every meal at home in my efforts to rein in our unhealthy eating habits. What more is there to do? Darn frickin’ socks? Quilt a new bedspread?
So, I got a pedicure the other day….in the middle of the day.
What’s wrong with that, right? Well, nothing. Except that one hour alone in a pedicure chair wasn’t enough for me. I kinda wanted a little more time to myself. It wasn’t happening.
So how does this relate to divorced moms? Easy….
First, let me say that I DO NOT WANT A DIVORCE. I LOVE MY HUSBAND AND MY KIDS AND MY LIFE, SO DON’T FREAK OUT OR WRITE ME A NASTY EMAIL ABOUT THE WOES OF DIVORCE.
There. I said it. If you’re looking for a blog that is creepy and sugary then go somewhere else. Sometimes, we’re brutally honest. Don’t get me wrong…. We’re sweet…just not of the powdered sugar variety. Let’s move on, shall we?
It’s just that when you’re married with children, you are a wife and mother 24/7. There’s no “time off” for good behavior.
I never felt this kind of envy, until I had the following conversation with a newly divorced friend of mine:
Her: I’m exhausted. Being a divorced mom is so tough.
Me: Yeah, I can only imagine.
Her: Well, this past week was “my week” to have my kids, but next week is their Dad’s week. I’m so tired from my week with the kids. And now, I’ve got so much to do while they’re away. I feel like I’ve got to cram as much in while they’re gone. However, I do have a date on Saturday with Josh. Josh and I’ve been seeing each other for the last month. We’re taking it slow. I refuse to see anyone exclusively for now. Because…I am also seeing Kevin. hahahahah. Kevin is just gorgeous and rich! Kevin is taking me to his friend’s lake house Sunday afternoon. Busy, busy weekend. hahahahahaha I think next week, I’ll catch up on some sleep that I missed out on when I had the kids. Oh, yeah….and I’ve got a hair appoint on Wednesday. Now, that I don’t have the kids this week, I can probably get my nails done and hair done….whenever I want. I better get over by that new boutique and get a sundress for the Sunday afternoon, too. So much to do!!!!!
Me: Uh…..sounds nice. We’re cleaning out the attic this weekend.
Her: This weekend will be fun for me. Plus, Josh has said that I haven’t tried that new restaurant in midtown.
Me: What new restaurant? The last time my husband and I got to midtown, it was for an office party. We have to pay a babysitter, so it can get really expensive for us to go out.
Her: Oh, yeah. What is the going rate for a babysitter?
Me: More than sending your kids off to your ex-husband’s house for a week. hahahahaha (It’s my fake laugh, people)
Her: I really don’t have to worry about babysitters that much anymore. My parents have really stepped up to the plate since my divorce. They want to help me out as much as possible. You know….divorced mom and all.
Me: Wow! That’s generous. Most grandparents that I know are like, “Hey, don’t call us….we’ll call you.” hahahahaha(my fake laugh again).
Her: Yeah, well….. You know, when you’re divorced…. People realize how much you go through. How much you suffer.
Me: (dialogue in my brain) Suffer? Suffer? What kind of suffering are you going through, you Lint Licker? You’re going to new restaurants. You’ve got parents babysitting left and right? You’re going out on dates? You’ve got days to yourself? Suffer? You don’t know suffering, sister. Suffering ain’t getting your hair did on a Wednesday for no apparent reason, you Cootie Queen.
Her: Are you OK? You’re so quiet.
Me: hahahahahahaha (fake laugh) Oh, I’m just fine. (lie) I just hope you find some nice guy really soon and tie the knot (so you can get out of La La Land and have to hire a babysitter again and going into hock doing it, but you’ll probably never have to again because your parents and your ex-husband’s parents will fall over backwards to keep your kids in fear that you’ll never bring them around again if you marry Rich Kevin who’s taking you to a lake house this weekend).
Her: I’m in no hurry.
Me: Oh, I know you’re not.
Divorced Mom envy….It does exist. If even…. in very tiny doses.
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
OMG – I have laughed and laughed at this post. Your ‘friend’ is working the family system and the grandparents are the first suckers on her list.
OH I loved this. I am a divorced mom. You are right: we get time off. In fact, I’m at the start of my kid-free weekend right now. Waiting for my beau to arrive with dinner. Packing for our weekend trip to the coast. And not caring one whit about the dishes in the dishwasher, the laundry piled up, or the dust on my dresser.
BUT…
I miss my kids terribly. I make myself very busy when they are gone because if I don’t, I get panic attacks and cry the whole time. I don’t have family help much, I work full-time, and I get no child support either. I crave to be in a “real family” again – yep, married. But it ain’t gonna happen cuz I’m too protective of my kids and I don’t want to have a “mixed” family.
So…I have married mom envy. I guess we all want what we don’t have. The grass is greener and all that stuff….
So yeah, I totally get this. Back up north I had a friend who was married and had 2 kids with a dude who later left her for, well, a dude. That is so not the important part of this story. The important part is that she quickly met and married somebody else, and now? Every other weekend? They send the kids to daddy’s house, and they get to walk around their OWN house naked. Sleep in. Watch something on tv besides Nick Jr. Get away for a weekend. And yes, sometimes it does suck for her to send her kids off on a holiday or whatever, but in the summer? She and her husband? Get WEEKS at a time of no kids and the aforementioned nakedness around the house.
Her present husband has no kids of his own, and wanted one. They talked it over for a year or so and decided not to, because her ex probably wouldn’t agree to take their new baby on his kids weekends.
See? This is EXACTLY what I was talking about. Thank you, Mrs. Fatass, for totally “getting me.” We’re such kindred spirits. Just sayin’…
Oh, not only do I get it, I sell it. Through a terrible twist of fate and the unexplained (and much regreted) career goals of a 23 year old, I fell into family law for my first clerkship and now it is all I know how to do. Not that I don’t advocate fully for my clients, but sometimes they wouldn’t know a good deal if it walked up and slapped ‘em in the face. I appreciate the emotions that cloud their judgment in a divorce, but at times, I have to take any angle I can to help them make an informed decision. And more often than not, that angle is telling a mom that “Look, I can’t imagine how hard it is going to be having your kids leave every other week(end), but they love their dad, too, so it will be good for them. And you can use that time to ___ (fill in the blank with whatever interests this woman has).”
Interestingly, for dads, the reverse sell makes (for me anyway) a sort of divorced (well, even married)dad envy: “I know you want to see your kids every day and be a part of their daily lives, but let’s face it, you are still going to have your job. And at the end of the day, do you really want to have to come home, make dinner for 3 kids, make sure the laundry is done so they have clothes to wear to school tomorrow, help 2 of them with their math homework, help finish the science project for the other one (because you know She is going to leave it for you to do) and then get all three of them up for school and out the door in the morning. And that’s when there are no sports, music lessons, etc going on. Dad, that’s not quality time. Take the weekends when you can focus on them. Let Her be the one that has to do the day-to-day stuff. That is the hard part. ”
And they buy it each time! And each time, I think, that poor woman on the other side because she is going to have to do all of that alone. And then I think, that is going to be me a a few years (minus the divorce part because I’ll be d@mned if I’m going to let my husband get off with only the weekends and leave me with the laundry and homework and all that!) And it is every other mom out there, divorced or not. The divorced ones just get a break. Yes, divorce it horrible and tough and if your marriage really was broken, you had years of tough times leading up to it. But once the dust settles, you are fine and if you aren’t, you can let out all your troubles to your hairdresser and manicurist and then reflect on them as you drink a glass of wine in a candle lit bath in a quiet house. The rest of us moms are just putting our hair in a pony tail and trying to catch a quick shower while the kids are entranced by whatever DVD we can find to throw in the player.
Would you say my job has jaded me much???!!! By the way, the only reason I was even able to share my thoughts is that for the first time in at least 6 months, my parents took my kids for the night and my husband is using the time to sleep in!
Andrea, all we have to say is: WE LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You totally get what I’m saying! PTL! Yes, yes, yes. And I so “get it” about your job. ((sigh)) I hope for your sake, you can get some rest and do absolutely nothing if you want. Enjoy, sister!!!!!!